June and July were busy for us! You can read about what we did during those months here and here.
August slowed down just a bit. At the beginning of the month, we went to Kansas City and enjoyed a weekend get away and saw Kenny Chesney and Jason Aldean in concert. We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary, and spent some time deep cleaning our house and getting ready for school to start back up.
As far as our infertility situation goes, we finished our 6th Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) cycle in June. All 6 of them were big fat negatives. We decided a break from all of the drugs, hormones, needles, and appointments. July was our first full month with no treatments. It was so nice. We were busy every weekend that month, and it was just really awesome to not have to miss work, rush home from weekend trips to go to appointments, give shots, or anything like that. I also had about a 31 day cycle, so that was really encouraging too! That was my first cycle of 2015 that hadn't been controlled by doctors and drugs, and it made me so happy to be somewhat regular.
Then August rolled around, and my body decided to be difficult again. This month my cycle was about 40 days long. So this means I'm back to irregular ovulation, which was our main reason for seeking fertility treatments in the first place.
We decided previously that after 6 IUIs, there's really no point in doing anymore... time to move on to something else. Next we plan to try In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), but we decided to put that on hold until after summer is over, and we are back from the trips we have planned. Lee nor I had never been to a destination wedding before 2015, but it just so happens this year we are going to 2! We already went to one in FL in July, and are planning to attend another in Mexico this fall. Once we get back from Mexico, we plan to call Dr. G and get the IVF process started.
Thinking about IVF has really had me going back and forth lately. Somedays I just really want to get started NOW because I want to get pregnant and experience all that goes along with it NOW. I so badly just want to be able to talk about baby names and have a real reason for doing so... I want to finally have a reason to clean out our extra bedroom and paint it and buy baby furniture and watch my belly grow, and talk about how Lee is going to be the most adorable daddy EVER. (Side note: Seriously... There's just no way God created and man so sweet, genuine, and patient and didn't intend for him to be a father.) I'm impatient and I want all of that to happen right now! The thought of all of this happening makes me really look forward to starting IVF.
Other days I think, "Why in the world would we even consider doing IVF?! What kind of crazy person does that to themselves??" After 6 emotional, painful, heartbreaking IUIs, why would I want to do that to myself again, at an even more intense level? More hormones, LOTS more needles to the stomach, more appointments, more money... what part of that sounds enjoyable? What if it fails? To think that we could do all of this yet again, and still not end up pregnant is so intimidating. Think of it this way: If you saved up and went to the dealership to buy a car, and they told you that you must pay first, and there's about a 70% chance you'll leave with one car. There's a small chance you could even leave with 2 or 3 cars, but there's a 30% chance that you'll leave with nothing... would you buy from that dealership?! No way! That's kinda how I feel with IVF. I'm excited because the success rate is much higher than IUI, but there's still a chance we could leave with nothing, and that is SO SCARY! Of course the thought of getting pregnant and having a precious baby to hold is motivating, but its easy to let past failures get in the way of thinking it could happen.
So as you can tell, even the waiting process can sometimes be a roller coaster. Ask me one day and I'll tell you we are ready and IVF is our next step, no doubt. Ask me another day and I might say that I'm so nervous about it, and i just really don't know if we should start fertility treatment again. Medically, it just makes sense that we try IVF if we want to get pregnant, but its not a 100% guarantee, and that can be scary.
After we had our last IUI, I really just hoped that we could be one of those crazy stories where our fertility treatments fail, but all the meds helped regulate my cycle, and we get pregnant on our own. Clearly, that is not our current situation.
My friend Elisha reminded me last month at The Nest*, that God can change your circumstances in an instant. Doctors can try all they want, but life can only be created when God is ready. He doesn't need a regular cycle, he doesn't need the perfect size follicles before the IUI, he doesn't need any of it. He is bigger than all of that, and he can (and will) create life at the perfect time, whether that be naturally or with the help of fertility treatment. I'm trying so hard to remind myself of this.
Overall, no fertility treatments this summer has been a nice break for Lee and I, and we have enjoyed our time together traveling and spending time with friends and family. Although we have this infertility roller coaster going on, we are trucking along! We know we have so much to be thankful for, and we know that God has a plan for us. Sometimes its just hard to figure out what that plan might be, especially for impatient people like me!
So for now we are
*Side note: Any of my friends living in the Southern Illinois area should definitely reach out to Elisha from Waiting for Baby Bird, and talk to her about attending her faith based support group. She hosts it once a month, so it's not a huge time commitment, and its so so enjoyable! I have been going for several months now, and really love the ladies I've met in this group! Nothing beats good food, an encouraging message, and some girl time with women who totally relate to the struggle of infertility.