Thursday, April 21, 2016

Infertility Update April 2015

Well, this month was not a success in the baby making department. Actually, it was a super-fail for me as far as charting goes. I started the month not being very motivated, and therefore less-than-focused with charting my cycle.  Last month's cycle was longer than usual, and very sporadic as far as signs of ovulation go. I assumed this month would be no different, so I didn't pay very close attention at the beginning of my cycle, since I figured ovulation was much farther out (like last month), and as it turned out, I totally missed my window of ovulation. Because I didn't catch that I was ovulating, I didn't take progesterone, and before I realized, it was too late. So obviously, this month wasn't a huge shock that we didn't conceive, because we weren't super focused. 

Maybe that's not a bad thing? It’s kind of nice to not feel like every day is revolving around charting and all that. Life seems to be pretty busy these past few weeks, and it's been nice to focus on something other than getting pregnant. I almost feel guilty as I type this post, because it may sound like I really don't care about getting pregnant, and that's not true at all! I really do want to experience pregnancy and start a family, and so does Lee. We talk about it almost every day. After 2.5 years of trying, though, it just starts to get old... ya know? I get tired of wondering if we should or shouldn't plan a trip for a certain month, because what if I'm pregnant during that time? It's not just vacations, I feel like a lot of our larger life decisions over the past few years have revolved around whether or not we will soon have a baby, or will we have doctor's appointments for fertility treatments... it's like this constant feeling of being in limbo, and feeling uncertain about what the future holds for us. This past month, I was just over it. 


All that being said, this current cycle I have been much more attentive with my charting so far, so we'll see how it goes. Besides that, not much else is new with us. Although I don't have much else major to report, I think it is important for me to mention that throughout all of this, God is so good. All the time, every day. There are days when I'm really questioning his plan, and I feel like he has totally forgotten about me, because why else would he make me wait this long? There are days when I just feel defeated, unworthy, and broken down. Those days are few and far between, but when they come, they crash in like a ton of bricks. Then I have days when I have zero doubts that God will bless us with a baby, and I feel so encouraged. On those days, infertility seems like no big deal, because I know our breakthrough is coming... and then, of course, there are lots of days like I had this past month where I just felt indifferent, and lacked the motivation to worry about it. I think most people dealing with life's struggles can relate to that... not just infertility, but through any of the curve balls life throws our way, there are good days and bad days. God has NOT forgotten me, nor does he think I am unworthy... I think the best time is right now, and he has a plan better than I could even imagine. I sometimes just have to remind myself that on the good days, God is good, and on the bad days, God is still good. 

Thank you for reading and keeping up with our blog! Since my school schedule is winding down and I'm starting to have more free time after work, I've been getting back into the swing of blogging more. Over the past year or so since I've started this blog, it has been really enjoyable to be able to share bits of our life with you all,whether it be fun recipes I've tried, random social blog posts, or updates on our journey to start a family. Lee and I are so thankful for those of you who read and pray for us. I would love to return the favor. If there's anything I can be praying about for you, please let me know! 
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