Tuesday, June 23, 2015

IUI #6 Results

Well friends, as you know, we gave the IUI process one last try in June. If you missed my last blog post, you can catch up here. We were really hoping this was going to be the month we finally could say we are expecting, but unfortunately, we are not.

I have gone back and forth for days about what to say in this blog post. This past week or so has been full of ups and downs, and I've really struggled to put my feelings into words this time around.

I've had a lot of ups and downs coming to terms with the fact that after 12 months of trying on our own, 6 IUI cycles, 5 different medications, and a whole lot of prayer, we still aren't pregnant. I am still faithful. I have no doubt that our time will come to be parents; I just can't imagine our future without a family of our own. The thing is, even though I know it will happen some day, some how, I just really want someday to be NOW.

Lee and I are at that age where a lot of our friends are having children. There is a flood of pregnancy announcements and baby pictures on my Facebook and Instagram news feeds. It seems like everyone's lives are moving forward in exciting ways... wedding, marriage, new home, new baby, new job, or some combination of those things. Everyone has something that they are working towards or currently celebrating, and I can't help but feel like Lee and I are "stuck" in this stage of life, where we've had the excitement of starting our marriage and making our home our own together. We are so ready to move forward to that next stage, but its just not happening for us.

My friend Elisha, from Waiting for Baby Bird reminded me last week that even though I feel "stuck", I am not. God is just setting the stage for what is to come. He can change our circumstances so quickly, and when he does, I will be able to look back on all of this and know that this experience has made me a better friend, wife, Christian, and maybe this experience will even make me a better mom someday.

Lee reminds me DAILY how lucky we are to be healthy, have jobs, have our home, friends and family nearby, more friends and family just a car ride away... I know how blessed we are, but I tend to forget those things so quickly when I'm thinking about what I don't have. I'm thankful for where we are and what we've overcome to get here. I need to continue to remind myself of all of this when I'm feeling down about not having a child.

For now, we are trying to stay positive and enjoy all of our blessings. We know that we have a lot to be thankful for, and a God who loves us and forgives us everyday. We know that he hears our prayers, our cries, and hears us rejoice. We yearn for the opportunity to become parents, and we will continue to seek that in the future.

We assume that our next step with fertility treatments will likely be In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), but we will find out for sure when we meet with our doctor for a follow up appointment at the end of this month. We have decided that regardless of what our doctor suggests, we are going to wait until at least the end of the summer or maybe later to do more fertility treatments. For now, we are going to take a break. Our hearts, minds, and bodies could use some time to heal, and we're going to do just that!

We are looking forward to spending our summer with friends and family, enjoying time with each other, and taking a trip or two! It will be nice to do all of this without worrying about traveling with medication, what time I need injections, or when I have to be at a doctor appointment. I think this will be a nice stress relief, and a great way for Lee and I both to embrace and enjoy all that we currently have to be thankful for. In fact, we just got home on Sunday evening after a weekend away and were talking about how awesome it was to spend our weekend outside enjoying the sunshine, and getting to see two of our three families. If there's anything that can cheer me up, its family, grilling, and sunshine!

I will keep blogging about our plans and progress, and hope that someday soon we will have good news to share with you all. In the meantime, we will keep praying that God allow us to become parents at the perfect time, and that he help us to find peace and patience in the meantime. We would love for you to pray for the same.

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